Manager or mate - what's the best approach to becoming a leader?

First Line Managers / 01 April 2010

Striking the balance between friendly and professional behaviour can be tough for new bosses. Karen Deehan explores how to get results while getting on with staff

Remember David Brent’s infamous dance in The Office? That’s an extreme example of what happens when a manager’s desire to be liked means he loses his team’s respect. If you’re new to the role, striking a balance between being friendly and being a leader can be challenging.

The need to be liked is part of human nature, but Jenny Murray, director of Spectrum HR, warns that becoming too close to your team makes it difficult to address serious issues. “It’s important to have a degree of distance and not always try to be one of the gang,” she says. “Managers may have to provide constructive feedback, which can be harder if they see you as a friend rather than a boss.”

Managers are only human and your team doesn’t expect you to be perfect all the time. You will win back their respect by demonstrating ongoing professional behaviour

Sharon Brockway, director, Roffey Park

When making the transition from being managed to becoming a leader, one of the first hurdles is establishing your authority.

Michael Revill, customer service operations manager at insurance company Simplyhealth, found his first few months in the role challenging. “I faced considerable pressure in establishing credibility,” he says.

“I was 23 years old and before I even arrived there was a perception that I wouldn’t understand the people working in my team, or have the ability to lead them. I also felt that if there was any disconnect within my team it would be a direct reflection on me.”

Understanding individual motivations, facing difficult decisions head on and being clear about goals helped Revill to earn respect, but he admits it was a steep learning curve.

As well as establishing credibility, there is the added pressure of adjusting to new responsibilities and making a good impression. Maria Chapman recently became head of marketing at a publishing company.

“There was a lot of pressure because I felt I had to prove myself, so I had to build up my self-confidence,” she says. “I’d been promoted internally and already had a good level of trust with the team, which helped, but it was tough as I was under constant scrutiny from my superiors. I’ve tried to lead by example and do each task to the best of my ability so hopefully I’ve shown them that I know what I’m doing.”

Creating distance

Internal promotions have their advantages because the team already understand how you work, but what happens when you have to manage someone who used to be your equal?

“This can be very difficult because you may have had a very friendly relationship with a colleague in the past, and now suddenly you have to create distance,” says Kirsten Scholl, senior management consultant at Right Management.

She advises being open and honest from the start: “Put your cards on the table. Explain that although you still want a good relationship with your colleague, the boundaries have changed because you’ve got extra responsibilities.” It is also important to have regular one to one meetings with your team and use an open-door policy to keep the channels of communication open.

Getting to know your team is critical and an obvious way to do this is to socialise with them. Going for a drink after work is good for building rapport, but beware of getting carried away; it can be difficult to make the transition from drunken wreck on Friday to inspiring leader on Monday.

In these instances, Sharon Brockway, director of the personal effectiveness programme at management training company Roffey Park, feels that humility is the best option. “When you go into the office, you could make a joke, or even apologise to your team, then firmly draw a line under it. Managers are only human and your team doesn’t expect you to be perfect all the time. You will win back their respect by demonstrating ongoing professional behaviour and not repeating the incident.”

If you’re constantly seeking closeness with your team, you need to ask why. “Look beyond what is happening to the reasons behind it,” says Gareth English, innovation consultant at business psychologists OPP. “Perhaps you have a strong need to be liked and this could lead to inappropriate sharing. If the line is crossed, confronting the issues will help to avoid them becoming a more serious problem.”

Brockway also warns against over-friendliness. “One of the most common mistakes new managers make is thinking that if they’re liked then the team will be more inclined to do as they ask, but that isn’t necessarily the case. You need to look at the whole picture; being friendly isn’t enough.”

In extreme cases, being too close to certain team members could lead to accusations of favouritism and there may be legal implications. Amanda Jones, partner at law firm Maclay Murray & Spens, suggests keeping staff assessment as transparent as possible.

“Objective criteria for measuring performance management and awarding pay rises will stop allegations of this kind in their tracks,” says Jones. It may also be worth involving an unbiased third party: “Where work relationships are concerned, give employees an alternative route for redress in case their line manager is part of the problem.”

Use your head

As with most things, common sense has a part to play. Managers aren’t monsters and although it’s important to maintain a degree of distance, there’s nothing wrong with showing your human side.

In the first few weeks of her role, Chapman had to deal with a team member who was experiencing personal problems. “Her brother was ill and although I was very sympathetic I tried not to get too embroiled,” she says. “I was glad she told me because it meant that if her work suffered I knew the reason, but I supported her on a professional level rather than a personal one.

“I’ve found that although you do need to establish your authority, it’s good to be approachable because your team will come to you early on with a problem, rather than leaving it to escalate.”