Building digital relationships

Communications / 24 October 2011

In a world where email and videoconferencing have almost completely replaced the face to face meeting, how can you ensure your relationships stay strong? Georgina Fuller investigates

Once upon a time, building relationships and business networks consisted almost entirely of one to one meetings, lunches, after work drinks and corporate events.  It was all about face to face interaction and swapping business cards.  These days, you’re probably more likely to receive a LinkedIn request or email.  Does the digital age signal the end of face-to-face and can we still build purposeful working relationships online?

Ultimately, there is no substitute for meeting someone in person if you are looking to establish a relationship and build trust, says Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health at Lancaster University and co-founder of Robertson Cooper business psychologist firm.  “Once a relationship is well established, you can maintain and develop it online but you will still need a face-to-face booster from time to time. Having met someone in person, online communication is likely to be much easier, as you will be able to interpret their meaning more accurately,” he notes. 

Once a relationship is well established, you can maintain and develop it online but you will still need a face-to-face booster from time to time.

Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health, Lancaster University

It all comes down to the fact that it’s usually not what you say but how you say it and the importance of expression, tone and body language.  It’s simply not possible to impart the same meaning and impact in an email as you can in an actual meeting.  Dr Maria Yapp, CEO of business psychologists Xancam Consulting, says it’s not that simple. “An oft quoted psychology experiment in the 1960s concluded that only 7% of the meaning in an interaction is communicated by the actual words used, with body language and tone of voice accounting for the remaining 93%,” she says. “If this were actually the case, it would suggest that communications by any medium other than face-to-face would be totally unsatisfactory.”

Tailored approach

Stuart Duff, business psychologist at Pearn Kandola, which has recently been working with technology firm Cisco to identify different measures of successful leadership, says effective managers need to use a range of ways to communicate. “Successful leaders understand that individuals need different things. Some might want lots of communication and favour video conferencing, whereas others may prefer email,” he notes. “It’s about taking a flexible approach, identifying what suits different people and making time to talk to them.”

The global, mobile and transient nature of today’s workplace, however, can make it difficult for managers to meet peers and direct reports in person on a regular basis.  Are video conferencing and Skype a worthy substitute in such circumstances? Not always, says Yapp. “Slow video signal can disrupt the natural 'rhythm' of the conversation – we pick up unconscious clues about when it’s our turn to talk versus listen – so video calls often seem stilted,” she says.  Establishing and maintaining eye contact can also be difficult.

Digital revolution

Relationship and contact building has however, arguably, never been easier thanks to technological advancements and the growing popularity of social media sites. Most of us have grown our networks considerably in the past decade, although the quality of these contacts may not be too strong if they are based solely on LinkedIn requests. Sourcing information, be it about a person, business proposal or product, is also much easier, so much so that it’s sometimes hard to imagine life before Google. The online age also brings a host of other advantages. “Online correspondence saves time, travel costs and is more environmentally friendly,” Cooper says. 

Whilst no one can deny that the digital age has totally changed how we interact with each other, it’s clearly not as easy to establish a bond online and the way that you decide to communicate also speaks volumes.  As Duff notes: “Successful leaders articulate their feelings through dialogue.  They recognise the importance of face-to-face as well as making use of all the other available communication methods we have on offer today.” 

Top tips to build digital relationships

1. Meet face to face several times to establish a rapport and build trust before you start relying an email and social media sites.

2. Try and gauge what method of communication your contact would prefer – email, phone, face to face or Skype. 

3. If you sense a potential issue or problem arising, arrange a meeting rather than trying to solve a conflict through email.  You will probably be able to convey your meaning and concerns much better in person than online, where your words will be open to interpretation.

4. Diversify and enrich your range of contacts through business and social networking sites. “You will be surprised how useful this can be for gaining introductions and useful advice,” says Dr Yapp. 

5. Stop and pause before pressing the 'send' button on any important email – read it through again, or ask someone else for their opinion.